Friday Fark Fun
Yeah - I know it's 6:14 AM EST on Saturday morning but honestly, this is the first time I've been able to sit down to do this. For your Friday, uh I mean, Saturday enjoyment. Note - my comments in italics
Monday January 23, 2006
Strangely enough, American movie-goers prefer seeing Kate Beckinsale running around in tight leather outfits to watching gay cowboys eat pudding
Food companies that remove trans-fat from products can now label package "0 trans-fats." If by "0 trans-fats," you mean "actually contains more fats than before." Also still contains trans-fats
Sirius moves to censor Howard Stern Wasn't that why he left broadcast radio?
Cars designed for our aging population would come pre-dented, have a top speed of 45 mph and have Ben-Gay new car smell. Permanent blinker an option
"So, what you going to court for?" "Burglary, attempted murder. You?" "Throwing lettuce out of my car window"
Prowler who peed through houses' open windows nabbed by cops. DA says "urine trouble"
From the highly respected journalists at BET: Hurricanes unfairly target minorities and are the product of the white man
Tuesday January 24, 2006
ACLU stands up for another cherished freedom: Boys wearing skirts to school
Wisconsin bill lowering the hunting age to eight clears the State Assembly. What could possibly go wrong?
Male contraceptive pill in development. Men already suggesting that pills are too hard to remember, asking for beef-patty distribution system
Internet use at work blamed for low productivity of Malaysian government workers. Everyone else too busy farking to fill out survey
Survey finds that for Valentine's Day, 12 percent of women want perfume, 32 percent want flowers, four percent would like a sex toy and 94 percent will consider murdering you in your sleep if you forget
What do 120 million traveling Chinese peasants smell like? Depends Wait for it, wait for it - !
"To reject this truth or to treat it as 'one theory among others' is to deliberately embrace scientific ignorance and transmit such ignorance to our children." 10,000 clergy sign on to support evolution - My comments - It's about damn time!
Paris Hilton turns down money from Playboy to pose naked, will continue to do it for free
Bad: You get pulled over for speeding. Worse: You're drunk. Worst: It's your 4th DUI. Fark.com: The cop asks you to do a field sobriety test and you say "I'd just fall down"
Wednesday January 25, 2006
Wal-Mart, Costco and Target announce the roll-out of new fingerprint checkout scanners. Too bad 90 percent of them can be fooled by a simple Play-D'oh finger sold in aisle 7
Gossip columnists still have no idea who removed Katie Holmes' steamy sex scene from screening of her latest film, suspect it may be same person who gave her that mysterious frontal lobotomy
It's hard to believe, but Kevin Federline's rap album is not all that good
NASA officials to start looking for extraterrestrials. Careful scientific analysis has revealed most likely place to find them to be an area called "Neverland Ranch"
Unlicensed driver crashes stolen car into tow truck in police parking lot. Sometimes the mountain comes to Mohammed
Mexican soldiers, driving Humvee armed with 50-cal. machine gun, help drug smugglers who got stuck in the mud. In Texas
Thursday January 26, 2006
Stupid: Escaping jail. Stupider: You have less than 10 days left on the sentence. Stupiderer: Falling down the hill behind jail and having to call for help
Substitute teacher offers contest: "Get better grades and win a date with me." What could possibly go wrong?
Nudist resort reaches out to college students by hosting strip-poker tournaments. Given looks of most nudists, winners get to ask losers to put clothes back on
Three idiots facing drug charges after dropping a brick of cocaine out of the window of their house and at the feet of a passing police officer
Friday January 27, 2006
Chevron profits up 20 percent, sets new record. Chevron spokesman tries to comment, but is pinned to the floor by the mountains of cash that fill every Chevron office
Japanese beer maker plans to give away 5,000 personal bartending bots, capable of pouring up to six beers and then afterwards rebuffing your drunken attempts to hit on it
Only in Missouri can a strange guy go door to door offering to stab people with a needle for free and get takers
Chicago repeals two-month ban on candy cigarettes. Says increased numbers of young addicts going through withdrawl at children's hospital not worth it
If busted for underaged drinking, don't create a website with photos of you drinking shots and flipping off the judg
Monday January 23, 2006
Strangely enough, American movie-goers prefer seeing Kate Beckinsale running around in tight leather outfits to watching gay cowboys eat pudding
Food companies that remove trans-fat from products can now label package "0 trans-fats." If by "0 trans-fats," you mean "actually contains more fats than before." Also still contains trans-fats
Sirius moves to censor Howard Stern Wasn't that why he left broadcast radio?
Cars designed for our aging population would come pre-dented, have a top speed of 45 mph and have Ben-Gay new car smell. Permanent blinker an option
"So, what you going to court for?" "Burglary, attempted murder. You?" "Throwing lettuce out of my car window"
Prowler who peed through houses' open windows nabbed by cops. DA says "urine trouble"
From the highly respected journalists at BET: Hurricanes unfairly target minorities and are the product of the white man
Tuesday January 24, 2006
ACLU stands up for another cherished freedom: Boys wearing skirts to school
Wisconsin bill lowering the hunting age to eight clears the State Assembly. What could possibly go wrong?
Male contraceptive pill in development. Men already suggesting that pills are too hard to remember, asking for beef-patty distribution system
Internet use at work blamed for low productivity of Malaysian government workers. Everyone else too busy farking to fill out survey
Survey finds that for Valentine's Day, 12 percent of women want perfume, 32 percent want flowers, four percent would like a sex toy and 94 percent will consider murdering you in your sleep if you forget
What do 120 million traveling Chinese peasants smell like? Depends Wait for it, wait for it - !
"To reject this truth or to treat it as 'one theory among others' is to deliberately embrace scientific ignorance and transmit such ignorance to our children." 10,000 clergy sign on to support evolution - My comments - It's about damn time!
Paris Hilton turns down money from Playboy to pose naked, will continue to do it for free
Bad: You get pulled over for speeding. Worse: You're drunk. Worst: It's your 4th DUI. Fark.com: The cop asks you to do a field sobriety test and you say "I'd just fall down"
Wednesday January 25, 2006
Wal-Mart, Costco and Target announce the roll-out of new fingerprint checkout scanners. Too bad 90 percent of them can be fooled by a simple Play-D'oh finger sold in aisle 7
Gossip columnists still have no idea who removed Katie Holmes' steamy sex scene from screening of her latest film, suspect it may be same person who gave her that mysterious frontal lobotomy
It's hard to believe, but Kevin Federline's rap album is not all that good
NASA officials to start looking for extraterrestrials. Careful scientific analysis has revealed most likely place to find them to be an area called "Neverland Ranch"
Unlicensed driver crashes stolen car into tow truck in police parking lot. Sometimes the mountain comes to Mohammed
Mexican soldiers, driving Humvee armed with 50-cal. machine gun, help drug smugglers who got stuck in the mud. In Texas
Thursday January 26, 2006
Stupid: Escaping jail. Stupider: You have less than 10 days left on the sentence. Stupiderer: Falling down the hill behind jail and having to call for help
Substitute teacher offers contest: "Get better grades and win a date with me." What could possibly go wrong?
Nudist resort reaches out to college students by hosting strip-poker tournaments. Given looks of most nudists, winners get to ask losers to put clothes back on
Three idiots facing drug charges after dropping a brick of cocaine out of the window of their house and at the feet of a passing police officer
Friday January 27, 2006
Chevron profits up 20 percent, sets new record. Chevron spokesman tries to comment, but is pinned to the floor by the mountains of cash that fill every Chevron office
Japanese beer maker plans to give away 5,000 personal bartending bots, capable of pouring up to six beers and then afterwards rebuffing your drunken attempts to hit on it
Only in Missouri can a strange guy go door to door offering to stab people with a needle for free and get takers
Chicago repeals two-month ban on candy cigarettes. Says increased numbers of young addicts going through withdrawl at children's hospital not worth it
If busted for underaged drinking, don't create a website with photos of you drinking shots and flipping off the judg
posted by Paul Thomas at 1:39 PM
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